Still lacking physical stamina.....

Friday, June 28, 2013:

 

Self Portrait

Wayne is on the other side of me and we are having an

ice cream on the Kure Beach Pier.

 

 

It has been one week and two days since my final treatment.  Thankfully my side effects are few.  My mouth blisters were gone just a few days before my last treatment and thank God they have not returned.  I had to endure only a few hours of what I call 'chemo head' which is a condition where I am totally miserable and it all emanates from my head.  I do not have any strength or stamina to speak of.  My doctor wants me to walk or do some form of exercise for 20 minutes a day.  Heck, I can't even stand up for a few minutes without getting light headed.  I did manage a walk down to the cul-de-sac behind the house.  After the first trip I came back and sat down and rested  then a short while later I went back for round two.  When I got to the farthest end away from the house one of our neighbors came out to talk.  I had to sit down or I would have fallen down while talking to him.  I finally got up to go home and was very light headed.  I stood there long enough to get it together enough to venture home, which was only a few yards away.  As I was walking home here comes Wayne with some ice water, looking for me, because I had been gone too long.  Hahaha!  I was glad to see him.  He assisted me the rest of the way and I was toast for the rest of the day.  Part of my problem is I am unable to eat very much at all.  I have chemo induced anemia which will go away once I can eat normally again and my white blood cell count is still low.

This go round is different in that anything I eat gives me diarrhea within 30 minutes.  Some food has some flavor but my tongue somehow reads the texture as being other than it is.  For example, I had some instant mashed potatoes.  They tasted really good but the texture was like I was eating wet beach sand.  It felt as if it was sticking in the back of my mouth and was scratchy going down.  Cucumbers taste good but the texture is nothing like a cucumber to my taste buds.  I like the crunch of the cucumber.  I will be glad when my tongue starts sending the right messages to my brain so I can enjoy food again.  Another positive change from my last treatment is that I no longer have a backache.  Last go round it was a constant companion and now......nothing.  Yaaaay!  I am also getting a full nights sleep with the exception of one night this week. 

This morning I took a shower and all went well until I started toweling myself dry.  By the time I was done I was out of breath and my heart was pounding like a bass drum and all I had done was towel myself dry and put on my clothes.  I have lost 32 lbs. as of this morning, since beginning chemo 16 weeks ago.  I have no butt and no belly!!  My skin is exceptionally smooth and not dry at all as I expected it to be.  The only place I have any hair at all are my eyebrows and eyelashes.  I think I will now pronounce myself as BALD.  If you were to rub my head it feels like I have a lot of stubble.  It is hard to see it, though.  There are a lot of empty hair follicles on my head and bare spaces.  Heck!  I have been told my hair could come back blonde and straight!  Ya'll might see a whole new Me when this is done.  Hahahaha!  Anyway, all is well, lots of appointments next week for this and that as well as a pre-op with the plastic surgeon and pre-op testing at the hospital.  My surgery is scheduled for July 23rd.  I will keep you informed.  Please continue to pray for me, Barbara Fincannon and Jennifer Barnes.  May God Bless you all and keep you safe this 4th of July week.

Hugs,

Glenda

 

Sluggish kind of day.....

Saturday, June 22, 2013:

Hi All,

I am having a very sluggish day.  I was really sleepy yesterday afternoon and went to bed sooner than I usually do and this morning I was still very, very sleepy and slept until I was ready to get up in my own sweet time.  I have a little bit of the chemo head going on, still sleepy, food tastes terrible.  The taste of food went away very fast yesterday.  I had breakfast and all tasted 'normal' then  that afternoon I couldn't eat a thing.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  Milk seems to be my beverage of choice and of course I am trying to ingest the obligatory mass amounts of water I have been told to drink.  The good thing is........ it won't be as long as it has been.  Hahahaha!

Have a nice weekend, no matter the weather.

Hugs,

Glenda

Day after my last chemo treatment.....

Thursday, June 20, 2013:

Yesterday I had my very last chemo treatment and slept through most of it which was a Godsend.  They gave me Benadryl in my IV just in case I had another reaction to the meds like I did last time.  I guess that is what made me so sleepy.  I remained sleepy the rest of the day but managed to stay awake until about 10 pm.  Of course when I went to bed I was wide awake.  Oh me, oh my, why oh why?!!!  They also gave me a liter of fluid to stave off dehydration and I was up and down all night visiting the bathroom.  All that fluid puffs me up all over.  I close my fists and they feel like they will burst they are so tight.  My rings won't fit either.  That should soon all go away.

All is going well today.  I had to get my Neulasta shot this morning at 10 a.m.  I got in and out of there pretty fast then I went off on some visiting.  Went to my Mom's and visited for a while, then went to my friend and hairdresser, Joy for a haircut!!!  Hahaha, just kidding.  She got a kick out of it too.  I got to visit with her for over an hour and catch up on things with her then I went to visit my friends Sammy and Jan.  We had ice cream and when I left they loaded me down with blueberries and canned tomatoes.  I need to go see them more often.  Hahahaha!

I hope all is well with all my friends at work and friends who are not at work!  Love and miss you all.

Later,

Glenda

All is well on the homefront......

Thursday, June 13, 2013:

Things have been going well since about Tuesday.  I am getting stronger and have been pushed to my limit since my sister's daughter's family has come to visit.  They have a 3 year old son and an 8 year old daughter and it is all about play, play, play!   Hahaha.  They are a lot of fun but can certainly wear out the grown ups (especially me).  I still have tongue blisters and neuropathy in my toes and fingers that seem to come and go.  Not a big deal, though.  It will be over soon.  Yaaayy!
 
I hope everyone has a nice weekend and makes it through the storm that is coming our way as I type this.  Good luck and God Bless.
 
Glenda

Whose tongue is in my mouth......?

Thursday, June 3, 2013:

Yes, you read it right.  My tongue feels as though it is a foreign object in my mouth.  It is swollen, cracked and dotted with blisters again.  The blisters extend down into my esophagus.  So much for the ice water, hunh?  In my previous post I was hoping the ice water would keep the tongue issues at bay.  Not!  Eating meat is a strange experience.  The texture is odd to say the least.

Strength?  I am as wimpy as someone who has been bedridden for a month or less or more!  Standing up for a minute or two makes me physically exhausted.  I never realized how much my core muscles are engaged/involved with the simple act of standing until now.  My core gets a lactic acid burn as if I were doing sit ups.  As a result I am quickly tired out to the point that I must sit down or fall down.  Once sitting I am as out of breath as though I had been exercising.  It takes me a few minutes to rest before I can get back up.  Sitting totally upright also has the same effect.  As a result I am doing a lot of sitting and lying down.  I can hardly wait until my strength returns.  It usually takes about 2 weeks or so.  Tick tock, tick tock........!

Also having the green apple foxtrot from time to time after eating the slightest amount of food.  I started using Metamucil every morning and it seems to help with any 'distress' I have.

This is all so strange to me.  I have never in my life had a major health issue or injury.  I was blessed with extraordinary health.  I have come to realize that I am a mere mortal and can suffer from the frailties of the common man.  I'm not complaining, just letting folks know what I am going through so don't feel sorry for me.

Please pray for my sister Wanda who is going through a major health challenge that began when mine did.  The medicine is kicking her butt right now.  Also keep my sister in law, Barbara in your prayers.  She is facing new health challenges as I write this.

Hugs to all,

Glenda

Chemo head.....

Tuesday, June 4, 2013:

I had been doing well from my treatment last Wednesday until.......late Saturday afternoon.  That is when 'chemo head' jumped all over me!  That is a state where my head feels like it is in a vice, I have no emotions, I don't really care if the house were to catch fire all around me because I would just sit and watch myself burn up with it  (or at least that is how I think I would do).  This feeling goes from the tip of my head to the bottom of my abdomen.  A total feeling of malaise.  I have been drinking the obligatory over abundance of water but this time I have been drinking ice water.  My mouth blisters have not reappeared with the vengeance of the last treatment and I am hoping it is because of the ICE water.  Keeping my fingers crossed.  They have popped up but they go away in a short time.  The chemo head went away as quickly as it appeared.  Thank you LORD!  By Sunday night I was feeling better.  Monday and today I have been feeling very lethargic and light headed.  Sunday morning when I got up I had to hold on to things to keep from falling down.  I made it to the kitchen and laid my head on the table.  My eyes had all kinds of psychedelic lights flashing in them.  Wayne gave me some orange juice and that helped.  I could not read anything in the paper.  It took a little while before the light show stopped and things appeared normal again.  It was kind of like when you get ready to pass out and have tunnel vision plus a light show to go along with it.  It may have been low sugar.  Last night after going to bed I began to have stomach cramps.  Now, mind you, I have been unable to eat very much at all.  Mainly because of the taste and some because of the texture.  I had some spaghetti, corn on the cob and about 10 potato chips.  The chips hurt my tongue with the texture.  Strange.  Finally, the cramps spurred me on to the bathroom.  For the first time since starting chemo I threw up.  (Sorry for the graphic.)  So I got to spend some quality time with 'John and the trash can'.  Not a fun night.  All of the above are contributing factors as to my condition today.  I just have absolutely no energy....and that is o.k.  My sweet hubby is taking very good care of me and I don't need to do anything around the house unless I want to.  I did have a small glass of orange juice this morning and I just ate a bowl of frozen blueberries that are sickeningly sweet tasting.  My taste buds make everything seem sweeter than they actually are.  Unsweet tea tastes sweet.  Hahahaha!!!

Strange things are still going on with my skin.  The palms of my hands look grey, my hands look as though they have been under water for several hours, I have a big round circle on the front of my left shin about 2" in dia. that looks like a bruise but it is not.  I get brown stripes on the top of my feet where my sandals straps are that come and go.  I still get a flushed face and it peels in the shower.  More like serious flaking when I rub hard with my fingers.  Even though I drink lots of water I still fight dehydration.  All night and all day I spend trotting to the  toilet.  My urine smells exactly like the chemicals they put in me.  Sometimes the color is pink, sometimes gray, sometimes clear, sometimes a pale yellow.  The chemo smell is nauseating to me.  Even thinking about going for a treatment nauseates me.  I can taste it.  Yuck!  I was concerned with damage that may be happening to my internal organs from the chemo but all my test results for my liver and kidneys and whatever else they check are 'normal'.  Maybe that is 'their' normal??  Oh well......

Another strange thing is the neuropathy in my hands and feet.  Most of the time my toes feel as if they are going to sleep.  Same with my fingers.  At other times the bottom of my feet feel like I have sand on them when I have shoes on.  The past few days my left foot feels 'normal'.  Today my right foot is feeling 'normal'.  I haven't had any pain.  Just a strange sensation.  Kind of like when you have been in the snow too long and your toes start to freeze.  The doctor told us that the sheath encasing the nerves in my hands and toes would be damaged but once  chemo was over with they would repair themselves and return to normal.  It should take anywhere from a few months to several months.

Good news:  My niece, husband and their two kids are coming in for a visit this week and I hope to have enough energy by then to be able to enjoy their company.  I will have to come up with some ghost stories for Zoë.  She loves them!

Side note:  The times when I post does not coincide with the posted time at the bottom of this page.  Don't know why and it really isn't a big deal.

Talk to you later.

Glenda

5 down and 1 to go!!

Saturday, June 1, 2013:

Well, the end of my chemo is within sight.  June 19th will be my last treatment then I will move on to the recovery, surgery, physical therapy, radiation and more recovery phases of this process.  I did not have a clue that having breast cancer could or would be such a long ordeal.  May God bless anyone and everyone that has ever had to deal with cancer of any kind.  I have a new and profound respect for cancer survivors and the struggles they have endured along the way.  My hat is off to you all.  I have always said that I would rather be ran over by a big truck than to get cancer of any kind. Well, I didn't get my wish.  Having to watch loved ones fight to live and then lose the battle is and was a horrible thing and it is my own selfishness that I wanted a truck to run over me.  I figured that would be the best thing to hope for because of the treatments and procedures one must endure once diagnosed with cancer.  Well, since the truck didn't show up and I have had to do it the hard way, it doesn't seem nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Sure, it is no picnic but I am still here, my quality of life has not suffered and I am surrounded by my loving friends and family that are so good about calling me, sending me cards and doing little things for me that let me know how much they care.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Today is the 3rd day after my treatment #5.  I had a reaction to one of the meds they give me in the beginning of the chemo.  It is in a little bag and it is clear liquid.  It is for nausea and I get it every time I go.  It is also one of the first meds they give me after they do all the flushing out of my tubes that are hooked up to my arm.  Once they started the drip I began to have a little cough, cough, cough.  Kind of like my throat was dry.  I noticed that I was breathing pretty shallow.  Not taking deep breaths.  I decided to go to the bathroom and I have to unplug the little stand my drips are hanging from and take it with me.  The trip to the bathroom is when I became aware that if I tried to take a deep breath that I couldn't.  It just caused me to cough more and harder.  When I got back to my chair (it only took a few minutes) I told the nurse something strange was going on.  By then my medicine was used up.  She then reported it to the Dr. and she told her to have some Benadryl ready in case it happened again while having the rest of my meds given to me.  Fortunately that was the only issue and I happily slept through most of my chemo.  I was really sleepy later that afternoon after getting home so I went to be early and then again yesterday I went to bed around 5:30 pm because I was sooooo sleepy.  My last treatment I had to deal with a backache and headache and the mouth sores through the 3 weeks between treatments.  About 5 days before #5 my mouth sores all but went away and food was tasting pretty good.  Not great, just good.  I was really wanting something to eat that had 'taste'....real 'taste' so I got out some frozen hot wings.  I microwaved 2 of them and sat down for what I thought would be a wonderful taste sensation.  Well, if you know of or have ever tried a Habanero Pepper then you can appreciate the FIRE that consumed my entire mouth!!!!!  My eyes were watering, my nose was running, I could not get enough ice in my mouth to douse the flames!!!!  My mouth blisters did not appreciate the hot sauce one bit and.....to top it off, I ate another one!!  What was I thinking????  I managed to survive with no long lasting effects and will stay clear of the hot wings until I can be sure it won't be that bad ever again.  Up to this point, today, the effect I call 'chemo head' has not reared it's ugly head and maybe it won't.  That is the most I can hope for.  No mouth sores, yet.  A little vertigo happens every now and then.  Food it beginning to taste strange.  I had some blueberry yogurt and all it tasted like was 'blue'.  No berry taste just the color blue.  Colors look strange to me from time to time.  What a strange phenomenon that is.  It is like trying on different colors of glasses.  Some with yellow lenses, blue lenses, dark green lenses.  Odd to say the least.  Well, to all my friends at work I want to give a big hug and hello and thanks for your thoughts and prayers.  And all of you that have me on your prayer list, please add my sister in law Barbara Fincannon.  She has bee going through this same battle as I and even longer than I have and could really use the power of prayer.

Hugs to you all and I will update if my status changes.

Glenda